That was very interesting how after stint in mental hospital it brought to light some sort of “shadow” system, aka practical aspect of labeling theory fused with modified labeling theory. Psychiatric institution newly minted my file and sent to local “shadowy” folks running psychiatric network in town allowing to act as if it’s news to them, as if it’s a starting point, not a ground zero. So local psychiatric department is part of security layer of social order, serving like private military contractors where they serve the role as some sort of quality assurance checkpoints for judging people in some sort of ISO 9000 system eg everyone who wants drivers or firearm license has to go through them. It’s just an expensive bureaucratic formality, one of the dings. As part of required protocol and procedures the steps of algorithm that they have to follow the head of the institution sent two scouts aka social workers who are “trained” in various interrogation techniques. They listened to my woes, they talked about all kinds of roads paved with good intentions, dangling various hopes, etc. but clearly said they don’t care about anything as they have objective to “bring me in”. They threatened that they wouldn’t cease coming and bothering me, until I “cooperate” with their demands even though they weren’t really offering anything except threats laced with words that should smell like carrots for snowmen. You know in Lithuanian language snowmen is a word that has nothing to do with snow, it’s more a word related to psychiatry – “besmegenis” means someone who is without brain, brain less, maybe brain dead, etc..
What was interesting after I went to their institution occupying building previously used by soviet military running the town in soviet times, how they performed “meet and greet” me very similar how soviet military medics treated me as teenager as potential conscript in soviet times. As if i’m some sort of low life, some sort of subordinate, not human, they talked between themselves about me “oh yeh, here is his file, everything is obvious with him, he has diagnosis, etc”. Asked me to fill some sort of form, incriminating myself, etc.. I told them that they are confusing something, there is no such thing as coercive treatment, I’m here just to see the head of the institution, she invited me, etc.. All those good intentions and “behavior” was just a sham, similar to other professionals trained in selling afterlife filled with carrot smelling objects shaped like Brooklyn bridges eg professionals depicted in Glengarry Glen Ross. So the director by “accident” came downstairs and she cleared the way for me to come to see her without any paperwork. But even though that part was “interesting” the most interesting part was the talk with the director, head of organization, who is “in charge” overseeing everything. I guess she wasn’t really expected me to actually to show up as she didn’t really allocate time for me, she squeezed me between appointments where her objective was to offer me some prescription medication as if her institution is similar dispensary like those free candy vans, targeting anyone with child like state of mind.
From my side that was the point of my visit, I went to show that “i care” and tried to actually show myself and tell myself, talk to her, so she could decide for herself, not only about hearsay, gossip, etc that she is for most part is forced to be using to run her business. At least that how it looks for the public of the “old word” who are not familiar with all seeing eyes “vision” of the brave new world. So that part is important where her role might actually be real as it’s about the security situation and threats to society, social order, etc.. Me being cast into the caste of violent offenders was important to allow her to see for herself. I’ve never met her unless you count few moments of her time about 7,8 or so years ago years ago required for getting her very expensive signature required for drivers licence application. So even though I knew that according to rules of caste system such caste is being judged by using anything they say as material to be used against them – eg if violent offender denies being violent offender it’s a clear cut sign of behavior indicative of violent offenders. But I tried to tell her that it’s all lies and she and psychiatric apparatus is being used and abused. What really struck me when I actually tried to talk about the Brooklyn bridge shaped carrot objects mentioned by her minions, who are also operating as agents of dual use. I started “exploring” the possibilities and what are my “chances” for escaping her clutches, you know like Lloyd in Dumb and Dumber exploring his chances of love with a married woman, they don’t care if you’re married to that woman, they don’t care about anything. They exists in such way where beginning of time and end of time is at the same time, where many places exists simultaneously in the same place. It’s like a book or a movie where start and finish exists in the same time and place, unless you actually start reading or watching it.
One of the “paths” I was throwing her as possible Ariadne’s thread was her doing some sort of “work” related with her position, the paper trail, bookkeeping, government own legal department and bureaucracy that she might know and be aware, some sort of record keeping that would reflect artificial aspect of my relationship with my so called family, parents, etc.. freeing her hands from red color. She played dumb, talking about DNR, tests for paternity, etc.. She doesn’t care about colors as everything is colored red in red light districts. How can she cooperate if she has no idea what is “cooperation”. Workers in slaughterhouse are used to hearing, but not listening to all kinds of squeals. Another “idea” i tried exploring was concept of job that they try so hard to keep to themselves as it’s something that speaks for itself, proving their point about their diagnoses where boss of such diagnoses is never wrong, they are made men who make themselves always right in the eyes of the writing patient history file, etc…
Next I tried to talk to her about the possibility of me working, any job, doesn’t matter, simply as social “method” being part of social order, society, etc. She shot me down in a very similar fashion like the cop who was part of the task team to bring me in the mental asylum where he wasn’t much being there as part of the operation, more serving as muscle, he didn’t treat my question seriously, as if i’m not exactly a human being who in position to be asking question. But cop misunderstood my question as if I was threatening him. She didn’t misunderstand the question, but she probably couldn’t understand how can you talk about it in abstract manner, unless you’re wishing something not carefully. So it’s similar story with her, the issue about job was out of question, not only that she replied to my question with a question as if “are you joking?” but saying it as a doubt: think you could possibly hold a job? You must be out of your mind. So unlike the cop, she was actually being rational. And it’s not so much about work or job, but about her certainty and knowledge where she is revealing and signaling that she is not wrong, never wrong and it would be very dangerous trying to prove her wrong. The way job situation with Lithuania is very obvious that all jobs are created with job holders in mind. Such jobs is more like concept of “occupation”, not only the way it exists in civilian world, but military doctrine and tactics, it’s is like a slow moving train, plane, cruise liner, etc.. where while in “foreign” territory they know they will be spending lots of time so they will be required to use local services and facilities, so they adopt local identities and use various mechanisms to “transfer” concept of job into local domain, even those who are not working, passengers, etc.. So they create a local job that serves as reflection of “reality” for the time being, for duration of lifecycle of business project eg factory, depletion of natural resources, accomplishing goal or objective, washing cycle, etc.. It’s history repeating as with so called unrecognized occupation by Soviet Union. So it is important layer of security where suddenly you have a millions of undercover bosses, “secret shoppers” going grocery shopping, keeping eye not only on the mess and clean up required on numbered isles, but keeping an eye on everything on the way to and back to the store.
So the only way for jobless caste to have a job is to have “toy” job, like a toy gun in comparison to real gun. It’s like mental patient confined in high-security psychiatric hospital showing initiative to escape, but is unable to see through iron barred windows, armed guards, electrified and barbed fence. Sure go ahead – unless you’re an angel the only work you can do is work as receptacle of her psychiatric medication where she earns premium, shares profit not so much with big pharma, but with “melting pots” – dings of black budgets where she is breaking bad guys turning them into good fellows, etc… She kept offering me psychiatric medication as if it’s the method to deal with problems, equating them to vitamins or food supplements of the brain. As if you were mentally fit you would be able to overcome your problems, like everyone who she is not diagnosing yet. She is giving you a “chance”. And if you were an angel there would be no point in escaping and working. You would already be working alongside with other folks like her. So that was my point to show and tell her the possibility that I might be already “working” where she should be taking such option seriously if after 48 years I’m still not getting paid even a penny. So what is my “occupation” and why it wasn’t recognized and revealed to me or on the contrary it was kept away from me by using someone else feet for occupying those shoes?
I can’t judge psychiatrists as professionals as I don’t understand and do not recognize such profession as valid. That is one of the reasons why I refused her offers that they consider anyone should have refused, because I don’t understand my disability whatever they are diagnosing. How is it a medicine? I’m not saying they are “wrong”, as I can’t confirm or deny anything about their activity, in perspective I’m a blind man in similar fashion as paralyzed man wouldn’t feel that their wounds needs stitches, cleaning, bandages, etc.. So what is the point of “consent”? So such psychiatric institution operates more like a faith based initiative part of military order, like a monastery, with nuns, monks, etc.. who are all doing some sort of “gods” work. They are not revealing something about their “qualifications” making them more equal than the rest of the people allowing them to read their implementation of the “law” and judge by not judging. So on human aspect I liked her. She is intelligent, calm, etc. She was also “thinking” about others, her commitments, feeling responsible and uncomfortable as she was giving time for me by taking time from her next appointment waiting in the hallway, constantly reminding me about it. What was interesting is her dilemma where on personal level she seems undecided and divided between male and female aspect of gender issues. But hey it’s a territory of yellow brick roads, which serves as honeypot attracting people looking for all kinds of help trying to help themselves by using roads paved with good intentions. And I can’t hold it against her, she seemed comfortable in not her skin, but it doesn’t make her a buffalo bill, not to mention it could be a method of camouflage. Maybe she is more feminine than all Victoria secret models combined, maybe she doesn’t want to deal with that kind of attention, it’s not the time and not the place.
So for a few days I was pointing something important to my “mother” about her duties and obligations as wife and mother. I was remembering and recalling something that she was probably under impression that it’s totaled. Sure I told her about her strange doctored photo from tuberculosis sanatorium, it is severe form of gaslighting where they are not exactly doing anything, they are not claiming or implying anything, it’s just a photo that is laying around. So I was telling her that you should be getting your story straight about that photo, besides telling her about another “problem” that she actively denied me “normal” childhood, refusing to solve it, even after I as little child raised the issue of it, complained about it, etc.. I’m talking about my prominently protruding ears. Nobody was bullying me about my ears while in kindergarten, but it was different story once I started school. I couldn’t escape unwanted attention being paid to me, even if they wouldn’t say anything and vocalize I knew that something is “wrong” with me just by encountering, meeting and being next to new people of all ages. I was very sensitive to everything, as I assumed every human being is like that. So for me it was a problem to go outside and play with other kids. That was one of the reason why I gravitated towards spending time reading books as it allowed me to be indoors. So the “taunting” and “bullying” aspect of it was the angle that allowed me to raise the issue in order to communicate about it as a problem to my so called “parents”. But they used it against me – saying if you wouldn’t pay attention to taunts and bullies they wouldn’t taunt you, you’re too sensitive, you shouldn’t pay attention to it, etc… Everyone is taunted, my “father” would give examples how he is bald forehead and he knows someone who is even balder and people call him names, but there is nothing you can do. You just have to take it. It’s normal way of life But for me it was more than just taunting. My “protruding ears” was actually making me odd man out and it was catch 22 as bullies were technically “right”, they weren’t exactly lying, they were telling the “truth”.. But I was trying to talk to my “parents” when I was still very little, at the age of primary school where kids are talking about their problems as if it’s everyones problem, I wasn’t telling on bullies, I wasn’t snitching, besides I was telling them that as it was “expected” from me, asking for help that was available at the time, but they denied it to me for some reason as if that was something required of me, my job, my part, my role, etc.. Not only that my so called “aunt” was vice-superintendant at the same school, not counting all other related highly placed folks in the neighborhood and the town who would “understand” such issues as unsolved problem that reflects on them. Maybe they were trying to pass some sort of litmus test of “environment”, nature, nurture, tolerance, etc.. What is interesting how my mother’s “sister” was living in the village of collective farm near Plunge, they were poor, alcoholic father, had lots children and some of the children were severely cross eyed. I remember how my “mother” would also talk about the kids eyes as issue that needs to be addressed with them, but for some reason ignoring her own issues related to her own unwashed black pots and kettle as if it’s something that “what is ordered”. Somehow even those uneducated, poor, alcoholic folks knew that it’s a “problem” because people do judge books by the cover, they fixed it, it’s not a rocket science. But for me I had to grow into the age where I already could “ask” for it carefully or not carefully doesn’t matter as there was no hope anymore for me to “grow out” of it (the family). So when my “brother” was born in 1987 it was the fifth child in the family. It was considered as big family by soviet standards, so the reporter came over to take photo and write a short story about us. I remember the photo from the article it was either year 1987 or 1988. My ears weren’t fixed yet. So I was asking my “mother” why did you refuse to fix my ears? Why wouldn’t you “understand” that it was a problem for me to live here in such place populated with such judgmental folks? She used to use her “understanding” against me, oh you should go outside and play. So I was reminding her – you still haven’t fixed the ear situation.
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Reverse Engineering Gang Stalking 